For Parents & Caregivers

There are five primary forms of child abuse. These include physical, sexual, emotional, neglect, and bullying. These forms of abuse can occur through contact or non-contact means, including online communications.

The Child Welfare Information Gateway has an excellent resource explaining the various forms for child abuse and neglect. What is Child Abuse and Neglect?

State and federal laws outline the rights of children, including living free from abuse and neglect. These rights ensure the well-being, development, and safety children need to grow into healthy adults and reach their fullest potential.

The Child Welfare Information Gateway provides a description of children’s rights. Children’s Rights

While Indiana does not prohibit the use of spanking or physical discipline on a child, parents should be aware that the use of unreasonable force that results in injuries and excessive force for the child’s age, behavior, parental intent, and desired outcome may be considered abuse. When determining the use of discipline, consider the child’s age, developmental level, and the desired behavior. Corporal punishment and/or spanking usually provokes fear to gain compliance through physical force, while communication on parental expectations and boundary setting helps children gain a cognitive understanding of the consequences of their actions.

Sexual relationships between adults and children are never legal or appropriate. Even in situations where there is no sexual contact (sharing of photos or discussing sexual acts), adults are prohibited in these types of communication with children (anyone under the age of 17). Children and teens should be aware that a person may not be honest about their actual age, and at the same time, avoid giving an incorrect age to others. Keep in mind that abuse is not the child’s fault; the adult involved must take responsibility for inappropriate actions toward minors. If a child becomes involved in a relationship with someone older, it is important to discuss the legal implications for the relationship, as the child would not want their “friend” to get into trouble as a result of continuing a romantic relationship with a minor.

One in ten children will be abused before they turn 18. Even with positive family relationships, there are situations where perpetrators use their trust, authority, and goodwill to take advantage of children. These situations often involve the entire family or even community, feeling betrayed by the abuser once their misdeeds are uncovered. Not only is the child groomed by the abuser through special attention and gifts, but others are compelled to trust the abuser by accepting their kindness, generosity, and helpfulness. These acts keep both the child and others quiet and unsuspecting of their harmful behaviors. The National Children’s Alliance provides additional information regarding statistics on child abuse and grooming behaviors commonly used. National Statistics on Child Abuse – National Children’s Alliance

Healthy behaviors between children, their peers, older children, and adults resemble kind, caring, and trusting relationships, where respect is mutual, boundaries are respected, and the power balance is appropriate for the dynamic relationship. Unfortunately, unhealthy behaviors can also look like healthy behaviors. For example, an older child who helps take care of younger children but oversteps personal boundaries by touching the private parts of the child during a game. Or perhaps a family friend who gives rides and buys expensive items for a child whose parent works late but takes advantage of the time alone with the child by showing them pornography. Situations that place children alone or with little supervision may provide opportunities for abusers to take advantage of their authority and trust. Together, parents, caregivers, schools, and child advocacy centers can help provide child abuse prevention education to start these important conversations with children and empower all adults to take responsibility to ensure their safety.

Children who have been abused usually do not disclose the abuse in one event. Instead, small details of information may be shared with others over a course of days, weeks, or even years. In situations where the child knows the abuser due to familial or social connections, they may try to determine who to tell through slowly revealing details to see the reaction they receive from others. If the child feels the reaction is safe and supportive, they may choose to disclose further details in order to gain help. However, if the child feels that they are not believed or will not be supported in order to gain safety, they may delay disclosure until they feel safe enough to do so, if ever. Children may also consider the relationship of the abuser to their circle of trusted adults. If the abuser is close to the primary caregiver, such as a romantic partner of a parent or family member, they may choose someone to disclose to who is not directly involved, such as a grandparent, family friend, or school counselor.

For more information about the process of disclosure, Sexual Abuse Disclosure | NCACIA Protection.

Children are naturally curious, especially about their bodies. Providing children with age-appropriate information and anatomical language can help establish healthy body boundaries from an early age. However, it may be hard to distinguish between curiosity and potentially problematic behaviors. It is recommended to consult with your child’s primary care physician regarding questions about their development and behavior.

The National Child Traumatic Stress Network has provided a helpful resource for parents regarding Sexual Development and Behavior in Children.

It is always recommended to consult with your child’s primary care physician regarding questions or concerns regarding their sexual development and behaviors. In addition, Stop It Now provides a useful website for youth and young adults to seek answers regarding appropriate sexual behaviors and resources for help with concerns. What’s OK?

For children exhibiting problematic sexual behaviors, help is available within the Holly’s House community. Contact Holly’s House to learn more.

• Problematic Sexual Behaviors – National Children’s Alliance
• Understanding and Coping with Sexual Behavior Problems in Children: Information for Parents and Caregivers | The National Child Traumatic Stress Network

Bullying behaviors, such as physical aggression, verbal threats, insults, and exclusion, may be used between children of similar age groups either in-person or online. These behaviors are repetitive, involve a real or perceived power imbalance, and are often increasingly aggressive in nature. While adults play an important role in providing safety and monitoring of bullying, these behaviors are often displayed outside of their view. Teaching children how to stand up for themselves and others who experience bullying and to seek help from trusted adults can decrease these behaviors and situations. Adults should consider increasing monitoring of physical areas of concern, such as hallways and stairwells of school buildings or youth centers. Creating environments of safety and community can also help decrease incidents of bullying.

Encourage your child to talk with you or another trusted adult when they experience bullying behaviors themselves or see others in these situations. It is not encouraged to allow children to physically intervene or return verbal insults and threats. These methods rarely solve the problem and increase a child’s risk of being injured or facing consequences from school personnel and law enforcement.

Stop Bullying provides resources for adults and youth on how to engage as a bystander, cyberbullying, and other forms of harassment. StopBullying.gov

Children may experience an array of signals indicating potential abuse. Some of these signals include withdrawing or avoiding others, secret keeping, suddenly having large amounts of money or new items, increased risk-taking, rule-breaking, and changes in academic success. Some children may experience physical symptoms such as stomachaches, vomiting, headaches, increased anxiety, heart palpitations, panic attacks, difficulty eating or sleeping, and regression in developmental milestones. While these changes do not always indicate abuse, they could be signs of traumatic stress or another medical condition that needs to be evaluated by their primary care physician.

Traumatic stress in children can affect the way they think, feel, and behave. These reactions can vary depending on the age of the child and the type of trauma experienced. These behaviors may include changes in the child’s sleep patterns, social engagement, reactions to stressors at school, hypervigilance, decreased interest in activities, and avoidance of people, places, or things that remind the child of the traumatic experience. However, every child reacts differently to traumatic stress, and changes in behavior are not always an indicator that a child has been abused.

• About Child Trauma | The National Child Traumatic Stress Network
• PTSD in Children and Adolescents – PTSD: National Center for PTSD

Empowerment starts with early and frequent conversations with children about boundaries and safety. During preschool years, parents can teach children the anatomical names of their body parts and how these parts are covered by a bathing suit. Teaching children how to say “no” to unwanted touches, such as hugs, kisses, and tickles, empowers them to take control of their bodies and confidently communicate boundaries. School-aged children can continue developing boundaries by role-playing situations concerning personal space, unwanted touches, secrets versus surprises, and seeking help from trusted adults. Parents should consider the different situations their child encounters regularly with peers, family members, and other adults. Teens and parents should discuss mutual respect and consent in friendships and relationships. These discussions should include open communication regarding situations that place the child in uncomfortable, coerced, or manipulative positions and promote seeking help from a trusted adult when these boundaries are not respected or when their intuition is telling them something is not right. Navigating difficult situations around boundaries, regular communication, and role-playing helps build confidence and independence as your child grows into adulthood.

While Brave Boundaries does not cover anatomy, researchers indicate that teaching your child medical terms for body parts is the best way to empower your child to see their bodies as functional and purposeful. Utilizing anatomical language for body parts allows your child to communicate with you, medical staff, and abuse professionals, should abuse occur.
Just as you teach your child the names for major body parts, such as arms, legs, head, ear, nose, etc., when they are preschoolers, your child should learn the appropriate names for the private parts of their own gender, and of the opposite gender as well, including chest, breast, vulva, vagina, buttocks, anus, penis, and testicles.